When I divorced my first husband, I soon met my second: an Englishman. We got married after a while and I moved to London. I left my children (who were already a bit older) behind. As well as my friends, my work, my city, my country and my language. Later also the house that I had bought after my divorce. I soon felt displaced, alienated, uprooted and completely lost. I was often angry, felt powerless, fought for my existence. I did not realize that I was in mourning and that all those emotions certainly had something to do with that. Nobody realized that, not even my husband. I had chosen this myself, hadn’t I? Something that was also often told to me. I could not and was not allowed to feel what I felt. Not even by myself. I did not understand it at all. My mother also died at that time, which gave me the feeling that I had lost every foundation. It was a terrible time.

After six years I returned to the Netherlands. I had no partner anymore (second divorce), no father and no mother, no home and no job, so no income. Lost everything.

And again all those turbulent raw emotions in even greater intensity: deep sorrow, fear, anger, shame, guilt, etc. And questions, all questions: Why is this happening to me? What is the meaning of this? What did I do wrong? What could I have done? And pain: in my heart, in my stomach, in my body. I could not sleep and could not eat. And yet I had to continue living. Looking for a house, finding work. What helped me with this? First of all, the loving presence of family and friends who did not judge. Who listened, with whom I could live, with whom I could go. Who helped me find and search for work and a place to live. Very practical too. At that time I also discovered the beauty of poetry again. The comforting effect of psalms, even though I do not adhere to a religion. I do not want to withhold one of them (the first verse):

‘The Lord has seen me and unexpectedly,
I have been born again and raised
He has lit my light in the night
Gave me a new face and new eyes’.

Through all the darkness, the light began to shine again. It took a while, but a new, lighter life began. This great loss and deep mourning eventually brought me back to my own life path. I am grateful for it.”>Through all the darkness, the light began to shine again. It took a while, but a new, lighter life began. This great loss and deep mourning eventually brought me back to my own life path. I am grateful for it.

I would like to support you in such a farewell or loss and the mourning about it. It does not matter what loss you have experienced. In addition to a divorce, this could also be the loss of your health, getting a burn-out, losing your job, a wish for children that does not come true, retiring. But also the loss of your partner, a friend, or a child. I can help you understand the big questions that arise with such a loss, embrace your emotions, experience your physical sensations, clarify your thinking. So that you can ultimately accept the loss. Not that it will ever go away. It will get the place it belongs: an essential part of your life.